I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
