Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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