Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
