dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize