I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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