It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
