dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
