Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
