whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
