so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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