i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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