i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't turn off my feet"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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