He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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