Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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