I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
