Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
