you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
