70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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