I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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