Pappa wants mamma naked
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
