Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
