She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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