So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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