your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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