so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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