In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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