She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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