based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
