I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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