I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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