if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
