The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
