The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
