Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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