Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
