either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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