He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
