Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
