I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
