piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
