Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
