Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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