i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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