worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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