Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
