I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
