either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
