3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
