Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
