I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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