And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this will be a night to untag.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize