WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
