I will die if light touches me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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