tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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