I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize