Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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