Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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