So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
