Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
