just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
