wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
