I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
