the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
