Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
