i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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