Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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