why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We need to rekindle our bromance
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
