"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
