if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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