I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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