You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
